Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
