I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
