at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
