you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
