I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
