At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
