My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize