I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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