On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
