She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
where are my eyebrows?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
