And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize