Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
