I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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