I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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