Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
