Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
