The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
