I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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