I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
