my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize