1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
