ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize