I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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