I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
