Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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