Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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