I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
