he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
