my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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