you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are a booty call, not a friend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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