So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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