I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Say something about gay babies.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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