she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
