i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
