I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
