using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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