Apparently you make a good broom.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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