One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
