its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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