If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
