I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
