no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
