I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
