After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
