I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
