I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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