My room smells like vodka and shame
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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