i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
