Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
