I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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