Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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