so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
