Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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