I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
