Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
