We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
