I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
