Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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