At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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