I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
