Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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