I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
