Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
