I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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