get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
