Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
